omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm like, not good at living.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
