I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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