Your tits are I can't wait for
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
