I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
