i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
