people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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