So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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