Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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