another moral hangover. fuck.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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