So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
