Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
