My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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