Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
