Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
