You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
