so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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