I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
