Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
stop calling my apartment porn island.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
