I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
