When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
