did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
