I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
