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woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
