You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
