So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
