I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
