community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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