I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
