Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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