Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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