I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
