Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
