Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
