Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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