the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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