it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
