you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
