last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
