I cannot find my penis.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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