watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
