how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
