Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
