I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He felt like a one man threesome
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
