I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize