where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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