you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
