I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
