Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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