We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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