Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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