Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
