he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
