i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
