I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
