john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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