Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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