thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
