She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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