yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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