I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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