My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
