just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
